Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just cut my nipple shaving
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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