Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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