tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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