clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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