Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
