this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
