I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
