i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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