dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
