It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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