this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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