just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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