I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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