We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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