if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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