Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
