Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
