I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
