I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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