Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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