My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
