Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
time to smoke my breakfast
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
