You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's JV to your varsity
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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