If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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