i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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