Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
