i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
