if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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