how can u be prego again
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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