I want to walk on stilts...naked
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize