Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
