I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
