Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
