It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
