Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
