My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
