i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
