you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
