I wanna bring you to show and tell
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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