so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
