those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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