Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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