Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
