dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
