i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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