He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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