Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
