I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I believe in your delicious
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
