Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
