I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
