i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My vagina is officially offended.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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