Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
