so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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