Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
