Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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