I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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