"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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