i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
