Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
