i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
