Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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