woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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