Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Little spoons don't ask big questions
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
