i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
