we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
