Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize