I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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