no, he came in my armpit
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
