Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
