Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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