dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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